Three days ago, I cried. I cried hard. I haven’t cried this hard since I had an anxiety attack a couple of months ago because I thought about crashing the rental car on my way to Canada. I didn’t have the rental. I haven’t even actually planned the trip to Canada yet. It was still just an idea.
Three days ago, I found out what all the constant full body pain, stiffness, brain fog, headaches, migraines, ringing in the ears, tender spots on my body, constant change in body temperature, soreness, constant fatigue, nausea, restless nights, and the random in the middle of the night abdominal cramps was all about. The neurologist diagnosed me with fibromyalgia.
*Whew* I could finally exhale. After having back pain for 10 years and having the other symptoms rearing their heads a little at a time until they were in a constant rotation of in and out of my life like the ex you can’t let go of, I finally had an answer. 10 years of being passed around from doctor to doctor, trying every muscle relaxer and anti-inflammatory medication known, elimination diets, losing weight (then gaining it back), physical therapists, massage therapists, and even just “dealing with it.”
So, I should be happy right? Ehhhh…right? I guess. I have an actual diagnosis (the reason I cried) and thankfully it’s nothing life threatening. It’s not life threatening but, it is quality of life threatening. It’s the invisible illness that holds true to being an invisible illness. You can’t tell if a person has it by looking at them and tests cannot find it. You’re diagnosed once everything else has been ruled out.
I’m living with something that many people think is made up (the reason I cried harder) or simply just don’t understand. This is where the idea of my blog came about. If I share my story to an audience of even just one person, one more person in this world would be able to understand what life is like living with an invisible illness.
So, hey you! I see you! Thank you for being the audience of one. =)
The featured image is actually the stock photo WordPress had with the sample post when I first created the blog. I find the picture appropriate with this post. It seems like the person who took the photo had their head barely out of water while capturing the sun. That is what living with chronic illness feels like. It’s like you’re about to drown but, you still fight to stay afloat and see the light.
We’re in this fight together. We will keep fighting to see the light.