I should be happy because now I know why I’ve been in pain for so many years but, my anxiety has been getting the best of me lately.
I’ve slowly been open about my fibromyalgia. Talking about the fibromyalgia has me talking about the symptoms I’ve been hiding throughout the years. Like I said in my other posts, I didn’t know I had fibromyalgia, I just knew I had all these things going on with me (most I’ve kept to myself). So now when I tell people the brain fog, constant nausea, constant headaches, etc. I have are things that come along with having fibromyalgia, I think they think I’m over exaggerating.
Them: Hey, how are you feeling?
Me: I’m tired and feel nauseated.
Them: Oh, you’re getting sick?
Me: No. It’s just the fibromyalgia.
Them: 😒, 😐, 🤔, or a pause before their next sentence
Anxiety has been telling my brain that people think I’m making everything up and suddenly blaming every symptom on fibromyalgia.
The thing is, nothing has changed except I now know what’s going on with me and I’m being more open with others. These symptoms are part of my normal life. They’ve been slowly creeping around until they’ve decided to make full-blown appearances and at times, tag team.
This is what sucks about an invisible illness. I don’t look sick. I don’t look like I’m in pain. Am I supposed to lay in bed all day and say pity me? I’m sorry but, I can’t. That’s not me. Of course there are times I just need do nothing but, sleep. However, most of the time, especially M-F, I use all the energy I have and then some to put a smile on my face get through the day.
Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I should’ve been more open to people and let them know what’s been going on. That way, they wouldn’t react the way they do. Or maybe they are not reacting that way at all and my anxiety is making me believe things that are not even true. That’s the tricky thing about anxiey, it screws with your thoughts.
*shrugs* I don’t know. I’ll try not to let it discourage me though. The purpose of me doing this blog is to get my story heard, and I’ll continue to do that, whatever my brain makes me think.